Managing Aggression in Children
Managing aggression in children is a task that both parents and children must learn to do. Aggression is a behavior that no parent wants in their children, but it is an emotion that all people feel; the difference is in learning to manage it, handle it and channel it so as not to have inappropriate behaviors.
Character should not be confused with aggression, nor should we think that teaching a child to manage his aggression will make him a “weak” child; the ideal is for the child to learn to find a balance between his feelings and emotions and the way he reacts to them.
Forced Breaks to Correct Aggressive Behavior
Every parent has been confronted with their child’s tantrums at some point, some more serious than others; but when the situation becomes aggressive for both the child and others around them, parents must take firm and immediate action to correct these behaviors.
A widely used technique is the “forced pause”; it is a method of discipline that helps the child to calm down; but also to give them an immediate consequence for their aggression and in this way they learn good behavior. The time of the forced pause is 1 minute for each year of age.
Before you take a time-out, you should warn your child that if he or she doesn’t change his or her behavior or calm down, you’ll have to take a time-out. If this doesn’t happen, keep your word and take the time-out.
You should take the child to a room where he or she does not have toys and is a calm and quiet place, explain to him or her what the negative behavior was that led him or her to that place and tell him or her how long he or she should stay there.
If the child does not stay in the room and gets up, you will need to take him back to the room and start the timer over. You should tell the child that he must stay in that spot until the timer is up. The child will probably start having another tantrum, so it is best to ignore him until he calms down, only if he is not hurting himself.
Parents: How to Manage Aggressive Behavior?
1. Parents should always take a moment to think before acting. Remember that parents are adults and that children’s behavior is due to the lack of tools to control their emotions. Therefore, a parent should never respond with more aggression to a child’s aggressive behavior.
2. Aggressive children are generally unable to express their feelings and emotions; they cannot adequately manage frustration or anger , which is why they resort to aggression to show their discontent.
Learning to manage our children’s aggression is a long road, but you can start by teaching your child to identify their emotions and speak without fear to express them.
3. Parents should never accept a child’s whim or tantrum just to calm them down or stop what they are doing. Beyond controlling the situation, what parents would do is encourage inappropriate behavior and also fill them with reasons to continue doing it when they feel frustrated.
4. Identify the triggers of the problems and try to avoid them, but without completely evading them. For example, the child starts having aggressive outbursts when he is using the cell phone and is asked to go to bed. Parents can rehearse various actions, for example, giving time warnings “in 20 minutes it is bedtime”, “in 10 minutes it is bedtime”.
And also divide the task into stages, that is, while the child is playing on the cell phone, for example, tell him “take a break for a moment and brush your teeth first,” then later “stop for a minute and put on your pajamas.” All these small actions prepare the child for the final situation and can help avoid aggressive crises.
